THOMAS

It has been a week since Thomas passed. It seems much longer. I still miss him but I no longer am hurting. I simply feel honoured to have known him and grateful for the time we did have together. He is such a sweet spirit. When it is my turn to die I look forward to him being there to welcome me when I cross over to the other side along with the other pets I have had over the years. What a reunion that will be.

I am a P.O.P.O.

One of my instructors at University used that term meaning Promising Once / Presently Obsolete. That is how I feel about trying to post and change information and pictures on Face book. I am sure that I will become more proficient as time goes by but right now it is a real challenge.

I'M BACK

I stopped blogging and visiting Facebook several years ago and now have decided to have another go at both. I have not entered a blog for so very long. I just lost interest and had so many health issues that somehow blogging seemed to be the last thing on my mind. And you know how it is - you stop doing something and suddenly it is no longer a part of your life. I stopped playing the harp because I had rotator cuff problems and couldn’t hold it. But that was a few years ago and I still don’t play. I want to get back to that. Maybe getting back to blogging will spur me on. So I don’t know how long it will last this time but I will give it another go. Much has happened. I will try to bring you up to speed but it is going to be piecemeal and over time. First, the most important change is that I now have a wonderful little grandson. He will be 15 months on June 9th. He is beautiful. I don’t get to see him often as we live far apart but Esther sends me pictures and videos frequently and I am so very grateful for that. My health has been a trial. I no longer drive. My Left leg became unable to control the clutch on my standard transmission car so I sold it through my wonderful mechanic. His nephew (age 40) bought it so I know it will be cared for. He apparently really loves her. I loved my old sweet car and had never planned to sell her but when I could no longer drive her…. I still drive when I can. I can manage an automatic transmission just fine. My dear friend Peter (I will talk about him in another post) lets me drive him to the airport and keep his vehicle - a Dodge Grand Caravan - while he is away on vacation. I had it for two weeks last year and a month this year. I am always so grateful to have it. I do not abuse his generosity, I use it only for shopping or medical appointments. I had not seen my dentist for over a year so I made appointments as soon as I knew when I would have the vehicle. I found that I really didn't use it much so I guess I really don't have a need for a vehicle. Not as long as I have great friends who take me out. When I turned 65 last year I lost a lot of my income. I did have my pension and disability CPP and long term disability insurance. But as soon as I turned 65 I lost the LTD and the disability part of the CPP. Now I have my small pension plus regular CPP and Old Age pension which is only $540 a month. Better than nothing. So, I am down a little over $1200 a month from what was not even a full wage. Sigh. Now I am so limited that I couldn’t afford to keep a car even if I had one. I could not afford the insurance, fuel or maintenance. I am not complaining about my status. It is meant to be. I am just grateful for what I do have: wonderful family, good friends, and the love of now only one wonderful cat. My dear little friend Thomas (black and white cat) died in my arms last Wednesday. It was a violent death - he vomited a pool of blood and wailed. I gathered him in my arms and phoned my vet. She and her assistant made an immediate house call, put in an IV and gave him the lethal mix to stop his wee heart. He was in my arms the entire time so for that I am grateful. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was covered in blood and he also peed and pooed on me towards the end while we were waiting for the vet. Just after the vet arrived, my friend Peter (human) arrived. As soon as Dr. Jenner proclaimed Thomas dead and removed his wee body from my arms, Peter took me in his arms and just let me cry. What a lovely friend he is. He is a German immigrant journeyman house painter / decorator. Around Christmas two years ago he put out 1600 certificates (slipped into our local paper) and I was the only one who called and had him give an estimate. It was low so I had him paint my bedroom. He did such a wonderful job of that, I then had him paint the rest of the main floor. He seemed to like me and started dropping in to say hi. He now comes over several times a week just to check on me. Anyway, he had already visited me last Wednesday. He had popped in about half an hour before Thomas vomited. He stayed about five minutes and then left to run a couple of errands and then go to his work on the other side of the lake. As he was about to cross the bridge he suddenly had this urgent feeling that I needed him and I needed him right then. He swung his vehicle around and returned. I know that Heavenly Father sent the message to him to come to me. I am so very grateful. I was distraught and overcome with grief. I had prepared myself for the passing of Thomas but I thought it would be another day or so. Then it just happened so fast and violently.... I was not prepared for that. I am fine now. I know that Thomas is in a better place. Probably enjoying himself truly for the first time. He was sick all of his life but still lived for 13 years so that is pretty good. He vomited nearly every day - sometimes two or three times a day. But in spite of his problems he was a happy cat. He taught me to meet each day with a smile even though I might be in pain. He was very special to me and I miss him. Because he is no longer with me I should be able to get my house clean and keep it that way. Thomas was forever throwing up and I couldn't keep up with it. I will also now be able to have a houseplant or two and flowers in the house from time to time (Thomas would always eat plants and flowers and get violently sick). So, there are benefits for me and I am going to accept these and move on. I would undo it if I could but I feel at peace. Cole (my black cat) was there with me and saw his friend pass. He came up to Thomas, gently butted heads and sniffed his dead body. He sighs now and then but is otherwise fine. Well, I am getting very tired (it is 3:40 A.M.) and my fingers are numb with cold. I can barely manage to type. My fingers and toes are numb and really get cold. Poor circulation due to diabetes I suspect. Also I have been diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists and advised to have surgery. I am using braces instead and that seems to help somewhat. Just have to keep on truckin’. Until next time adieu and thank you for checking in on me.

Today is a day of ... exhilaration in driving!

Remember when you got your first vehicle? or when you got to borrow dad's for an outing? That excitement at being on the road ... having fun ... not a worry in the world? Well that is what it felt like today when I drove into town. I was without a car for a week and two days and that was enough.

I picked my car up yesterday afternoon. The new clutch feels great. It bucked me a couple of times until I got the feel of it. I have been babying the old one for years! In fact my friend Marj mentioned that in an email I just received from her. She remembered me saying that it was going before she went North - and that was years ago. So we should be good again for a long while. I love my old car and really have no desire for a new one. The great news is that although they had to get some replacement parts for something to do with the mounts for the transmission, the final bill came to just under $1800.00. Yay! I think my wonderful mechanic (owner of the franchise in Kelowna) did some creative accounting. He claims he is bad at adding. :) He does his best to find reasons to give me discounts. I am very grateful to him.

When I got home yesterday I yelled down to Rob and we went out to our local Pub for wings. Thursdays are wing nights. Also Karaoke night so we go early, have our wings and pints of beer, then head home just before the noise begins. Some people sing okay but others .... please ...

I had to give myself a 'shot' this morning. Not the 'shot' I wouldn't mind taking but some anticoagulant in place of the warfarin I was taking. Now being a nurse, I do know how to give needles but really ... is this something that everyone needs to be expected to do for themselves? I remember trying to teach diabetics to give their own insulin. Sometimes took a while before they would actually 'stick' themselves. Anyway, I got that over with first thing this morning and then phoned the hospital to get my O.R. time. I am expected to be at the admitting desk by 6 a.m.! Crap! Noon is more my time! I know, I am just being a crabby old biddy but grrrrr. I DON'T 'DO' MORNINGS! My neighbour Marcy will drop me off. They plan to keep me overnight so she will pick me up the next morning if I don't manage to convince them to let me go earlier. If my surgery is early enough I don't see why I couldn't go home by 3 or 4 p.m.

Well, I must get going here. Rob has a list of stuff we need to buy for our (his) garden projects. He is such a worker. He is building raised gardens. He is finished the one near the house. I is 16 feet long, 3 feet wide and about 2 feet deep. This is to be a kitchen garden so will have herbs, chives, maybe some leaf lettuce and a couple of tomato plants. The other two will be at the end of the yard and will have more tomatoes, some peppers, celery, cucumbers, zucchini, and more. I am excited to use them. The one near the house is right against the patio and he is going to put a board along the tip on one side as a little seat. The whole yard is changing. It is looking awesome. I will take some pictures soon and post them.

Today is a day of ... thanksgiving

I have been on pins and needles for the past few days. On Monday my clutch went in my car. It happened during a little tense moment on the highway. I always leave distance between me and the vehicle ahead of me so that was good although I did have to hit my brakes - just not so hard. Then I geared down and hit the gas to get around the situation and make room for others. A moment later my car was burning something because the stench was strong. I noticed I was pressing the gas but not going anywhere fast. But we avoided a potentially serious situation for a multiple car pile up. Yay. That was the good news.

The next day I took my car to the garage and got the bad news. Then my neighbour used the words that usually cause me some concern ... "Don't take this the wrong way .. but ..." In this case she ended that with the idea that I need a new car. Yipes. I talked to the mechanic who agreed that maybe that would be the way to go since my estimate could be around $2500. I am totally unprepared for that eventuality. You need time to look at vehicles and test drive them etc.

I went online last night and looked at various websites. The 'smart car' is out. Volkswagon has some nice models that could be of interest to me. I used to like the Jetta but it would no longer be the car for me - too low. Marcy suggested the Mazda 5 but I would have to try it out - looks like more than I want. Toyota doesn't have much that I am interested in although I do think they are a quality product. Dodge caravan? Maybe. The one I instantly liked online was the Kia / Hyundia Soul. But that still left a lot to do before choosing one.

Thankfully this mornning Midas called and said the brakes check out fine and there seems to be nothing else wrong with the vehicle so my estimate will likely be around $1800. That I am willing to put into this car as she has been very reliable and will likely give me many more hours of driving time. I am relieved but it was a wake-up call and I will try to take a look at vehicles soon so that I have some idea of where I want to begin.

I won't have a car tomorrow so my friend Tanis is going to take me to the hospital tomorrow morning for my pre-surgery screening. My lumpectomy is set for May 25 - a couple of weeks yet. Then we will see if anything else is needed.

Today is a day of ... celebration

Today I celebrate my beautiful daughter's birthday. A special birthday in that she is the age of the day of her birth. Born the 29th day and is 29 this year. :)

I am also celebrating that although I do have breast cancer, it should be a very easy one to beat. It is very tiny, does not appear to have spread at all and is not an aggressive type. All in all a very good position to be in. Colour me satisfied.

Now I must go and take on my Income Tax return. It must be on its way by midnight tomorrow. Yipes - as usual I have left it to the very last minute.

Today is a day of ... continuation

I went to see Dr. Hawker today to renew my morphine prescription. The results from my mammogram and ultrasound had arrived so we dealt with that as well. She is a nice woman - I used to dislike her because she used to hassle me about my weight but she is very kind when you are dealing with something serious. She told me not to worry but...
Apparently the mammogram and ultrasound both showed a shadowy area that they can't quite diagnose. It could well be cancer or it could be nothing. So the next step is a biopsy under ultasound. Once before, I had a fine wire localization using mammogram. This is similar but no anaesthetic and ultrasound to visualize which is much more comfortable that using mammography. Progress is sometimes worthwhile.

It may take a while to get that done so meanwhile I look forward to a trip to the coast to visit my friend Trish and then a nice visit with Esther. I will finally get to see their new home.

Shaw cable was just here to set up a new digital box for me and also activate the cable in the basement as well as set up that cable box. So now both Rob and I will have digital TV. I am also going to have my telephone through Shaw cable. Get it all in one bundle and hopefully save a little money.

I am going to go and lie down for about a half hour or so and then Rob and I have to go shopping for baseboard and paint. Ta Ta for now.